Category Archives: being wrong

Lets try this again….

Round 4 lets have a go at it.

I desperately want to be a writer, actually I just want to get my written word out there in some sort of format. I know like everything else it takes practice. I have thought I have had the motivation before but as I usually work I gave up or in my mind “I’ll do it tomorrow”.  I don’t think I have ever really owned up to my dreams and desires. I went to college for one of my dreams but after that it just go too hard. So I go all out for a few months then I let it die. This year I am bound and determined to not let my dreams slowly die. So excuse me but for the first few months I am going to do this even if it is not that awesome or great content.

I am also not going to let my other life pursuits die even if I have to go into blog world to find motivation. I know that everyday it is a fight to be the best person I can be but at least I am trying, right? I am sure people have different ideas on how to come by this or even how you should go about it. Well, I have always said I am my own person so I will have to find my own way, no matter the struggle I may have.

This week my goals are to write 3 times (two now) and compose a letter to a friend that I let fade away. To most people these things my not be tough but I  am horrible about my personal time management which is hilarious because in my work life that is something I pride myself on. Pride is over rated anyways. In case you care one of my other goals is to fall back in love with working out… like this and bettering my friendship abilities it is work in process.

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Filed under being wrong, career, Crap, life

Have you ever gotten laid…seriously?

Jeff Dunham does a whole bit on how gay Prius is, and he drives one. Jeff Dunham… gay go ahead and watch, I’ll be here when you are done. OK welcome back. What I want to point out is there are many gay cars out there and yes I mean gay. I love gay men, I think they are wonderful but usually they are feminine or limp wristted, how ever you cook your tatter tot is up to you. There are many cars that are quite feminine and that’s OK if its your deal. If you are a man and like women and have any of these following cars you better start lifting weights and doing anything else considered masculine because your car screams “I like my tatter tots covered in fudge”.

Lets start with the Prius since it is over covered in “what car will cock block you” topics.

I know I went for the most feminine color but if you own a Prius I hate to tell you that this is what the world perceives your car to look like. About ten years ago (or longer) owning a Prius made you cool and Eco friendly but now a lot of cars are hybrid and most of them look far better than the Prius. Hell, if you can afford it you can even buy an SUV. I understand the gas mileage and how dang trendy they are but it is only trendy because you don’t realize your friends are laughing behind your back and they really don’t care about the great mileage because the other 50 hybrids in the parking lot boast the same features and hell the kid with the lowered Honda Civic (who is probably a tool) has great gas mileage too! No way around it your car sucks and looks like an over priced tampon.

Bad trend... do not buy in!

New trend alert the Smart Car not only does this one have ubber homosexual tendencies but it is by far the one I loathe most. If you are a man you should at least be able to cop-a-feel in your car and unless you are a little orange man from Loompaland or Danny DeVitto this task is impossible. Plus, this stupid car and its horrific drivers seem to think it can out run any other car on the freeway. I will run your tiny ass over as a hummer would AND I only drive a Jeep. The newest types of golf carts are larger than this mini hot wheel and a three year old riding a big wheel has more horse power. All this car will say about you is “I like getting rammed in the ass end” NOT because you like fudge tatter tots but because we can’t see you when we pull into a parking spot until it’s too late and we are already pulling our insurance card and finding a scrap piece of paper you leave our information on it with the number with for a local cab company because you car is now useless!

This one pains me to admit is on the list because it has by far the best commercials. Who doesn’t love dancing hamsters?

Party rock!

The problem with the Kia Soul is 1. it looks like a mini toaster oven. 2. it comes in ridiculous colors 3. it does not come with the thugish hamsters. Its a Kia and they are cheap cars though they are probably great for the cost but they try to make them seem trendy and cool. We all know they are cheap and you can tell because the whole buy one get one free. Here in Cleveland they even will be free if the Browns close out the Steelers. I hate to tell you but they are not cool and the colors will match any trendy pair of shoes or Ed Hardy shits. All you need to drive one of these is a boy friend and have beaddazzeled jeans. Sorry Hamsters but you can’t even fix this problem but please continue to bust a move for it!

NEVER COOL

The Ford Fiesta… Party on car! Yea, this one has never and will never been cool though its name sounds like a hip party environment. Once again this comes in obscene colors and none of which are flattering. VOmit looks good on nothing, including a car! This is now a throw back car, I guess the fact that leggins and neon colors are back so must the cars from the eighties. They couldn’t bring back Kit or the DeLorean, we get the fiesta. Nothing scream stuck in time like driving this wonder car. You would save face if you just bought an old one. Driving this means no  nut or likes little boys nuts….

 

Driving an implant

The bug is the car that never seems to go away. If you are a man and drive this and keep telling people “but it has a turbo” GO BUY AN EVO!  Evo aren’t un gay but they don’t look like a silicone implant! You don’t see it, look at JWOWW’s boob… its a fricken mini bug! You can not be a man and only be able to fit midgets in the back seat! I am not a big person and I don’t even fit in back. If you are all hippie dippy liberal buy an old VW bus or another beater do not but this. It screams this is my moms car or my boy friend is out grocery shopping!

 

Now on to the really pricey cars that will have people looking but wondering the team on which you service. First one up…

Pick a bigger car!

This has nothing good to say beside you make good money but any car brand can say that about you unless you come with a dead sexy British accent. Yep, this care is culturest, if you don’t talk like Prince William you better pick a Audi or BMW. It is showy and small. If you are trying to boast about your income pick something else, when women see this we see diamonds and small wieners. The diamonds will only get you so far unless you are open to a cheating woman. If you want a car for your dogsled team to practice pulling as you keep warm buy away just don’t tell the women folk you own one!

So I bet you didn’t think you were going to see a hummer on this list. This is a SUV that screams over compensating for something else. I am going to assume you know what I am thinking. Buy a real SUV. This is the mini of the epitome of what a manly car is which is pointing to the idea that its grandson the H3 is only living in its shadow! If you own this car you may want to start questioning yourself because you didn’t know how sad this machine is.

What are you saying about...

I hate to ruin your night if you happen to drive one of these if you have a penis and like women. At least you know what the snickering behind your back is!

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Filed under being wrong, Uncategorized

My adoring public

I would like to thank the academy and all those who have supported me and my stupidity along the way! I couldn’t have done it without the hand of Satan on my shoulder and the little devil in my ear….

Thank you all for coming to read a mistake which I admittedly made. As you see it is down and if you can wrap your head around it I also deleted it. It was deleted by Twitter as well.

Also a heads up, I have to approve comments before they are published so calling me a cunt, bitch, horrid person or even a saint have to go through me first.

Keep coming back, the more you visit the more publicized this blog becomes. Since, ACCIDENTALLY something made it live for 45 minutes you are just bring more attention to it. This site keeps track of hits and notifies me of it. Lets see if we can break 100….

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What do you want???

Dear male friend with intentions unknown,

You are the reason why women walk around constantly confused and have no idea how to take things. I would call you a liar but that doesn’t always fit. Some time I think your type is just as confused as females. Usually, I just go with the every man just wants ass but sometimes I can’t help but think you just want more. Well, before I go on my diatribe if you find your self as being one of these men who just isn’t telling someone something about what you want. Grow a set and tell them! Yes, you may get rejected. You may just get a chance. You may find out that you really don’t want anything. I know men do not like talking about things but if you put your intentions out there at least they are known. With that said…

There are two types of unknown intentions.

  1. The just want a piece of ass and don’t want to come off as a dick
  2. You want to be more than friends and don’t want to ruin a friendship

Piece of ass man:

You are the reason women question every man. If you were just upfront with us you would realize most of the time we are very understanding of your sexual needs. We may not be on the same page as you but we would understand. You do not need to go around and mislead us into thinking you actually would like more from us.

Usually the men who just are ass hunting have became very good at lying to our faces. It is lying. No one likes to be called a liar but to manipulate and mislead is a far worse thing that just deceiving. They have become the reason dating is harder now than ever.

No one trusts any one. The females have so many walls up it is just perceived as drama and games. In reality we don’t know who to trust. We do not intend to play games or be difficult but we have been left with no choice. We constantly fear just being used. The best part is we have needs too. Sometime we just want a piece of ass as well or are in the market for a relationship without strings. We learned as children that honesty is the best policy and to do one to others that you would have done to your self. If you don’t want us crazy then don’t lie to us. If you don’t want to deal with drama don’t mislead us.

It is true we are crazy because men made us that way. It’s not the good guys, the average guys or even the ass holes that makes us crazy. It is the guys who lie and deceive us. It is the users, the ones who lead us on and drop us right after we give them the one thing they wanted with out even having the nerve to tell us the truth. The supposed ass holes are only considered ass holes because they actually are truthful. I actually have respect for the ass holes.  The average guy just wants to get by with a happy, easy life and to be surrounded by people and relationships that are easy. The good guys tend to be the ones who really get screwed by the piece of ass man.

Don’t want to ruin anything man:

So you have a girl friend that you are afraid of losing? Are you guys that great of friends that you would be missing out on something?  Is she that big of a bitch that you can’t sit down and have an adult conversation with her? Either way is it really that big of a deal? Why not just say something? Yes, if she doesn’t want anything more it may be awkward the next time you see each other. If things don’t work out you may loss a friend. What if things do work? The best part of dating a friend is you don’t have awkward beginning like most relationships have. The older you get the easier it becomes to date a friend. Plus, it is not inevitable that if things go south that you ruin a friendship. Things only get ruined if there was cheating or you date for a long time and it goes south. A few dates and if things don’t work out it just becomes an inside joke.

If you grow a set maybe she will commend your attempts and it will work in your favor. Maybe she has been wondering if there is something more, too. I mean really what are you afraid of losing? A drinking buddy? If she is a friend she will listen and you won’t lose anything. It is your choice, you probably know her better than the other douche bags at the bar so you already have one up. Go ahead try. Stop thinking so much about it and just do it man!

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Filed under being wrong, Crap, Crushes, Dating, Friends, relationship

Blending

I have always wondered what it was like to be a cool kid. What it was to be the pretty one. How it felt to have the boys want to jump me. How great it would be to run around in my bikini!

HAHAHA

After years of watching the “cool, pretty” people the one thing I can say is at least I know who I am.  At least my friend will stand by me and not just follow me around like drones.  I never have to question do I look fat? Even if I did no one would care because I just blend in. I never have to wonder if my makeup is on right, because on the freak chance I am wearing makeup no one can tell I am wearing it. I never have to wonder how hot I look because I never look hot. I blend!

At first that sounds horrific! Who wants to blend in with everyone else? Look at it this way…

When the pretty girl trips in a bar everyone notices. I trip only my friends notice.When I don’t feel like getting ready no one cares, no one has a preconceived notion on how I should appear in public. I get to be an ass to whom ever I deem fit to be an ass hole to. Pretty people feel they have to be liked. I know I can be a huge bitch. I don’t have to impress my friends with guys whose status is not only that of a pedigree but also drop dead gorgeous. It is perfectly acceptable for me to bring around a man from the military or a boy who works on the farm, a man who works hard labor or a business man.  They can even be an ass and it is no big surprise.  Really, socially it is far better to be the one who blends then the one trying to be better than everyone else.

I plan on letting the pretty stay pretty and I will just make them laugh and everyone else around me. I will continue to be the bad ass that just looks like everyone else.  For the bikini… maybe next year!

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Filed under being wrong, Dating, Friends, fun, habits, Judging, who am i

Should Hitler of been killed earlier?

Today I watched a special about Hitler and all the attempts on his life. One of the most over used statements in the show was “If he would have been killed … could have been prevented”. The … could be anything from; millions of deaths to WWII as a whole. I got to thinking WWII was one of the greatest events in human achievements that the world has ever seen. Do not get me wrong the Holocaust was bad and so has every other form of human genocide though out history but with out WWII we would not be as developed as we are today. Do you like watching ESPN or Reality TV? Well, color TV was invented during WWII. How about flying in jets, what about life flight? WWII (helicopter too). We discovered Genetics during WWII. Antibiotics? Streptomycin and Penicillin came around thanks to WWII. I know all of these things would have come about in one way or another but our lives today wouldn’t be the same had it not happened when it did. I am sure we still would have had another world war but what would have happened if it would have been during the cold war when communists had access to nuclear technology? All and all Hitler was a bad man but the war brought us a lot. The Holocaust itself brought genocide to the foreground. We now know how cruel humanity can be.

No one would have wished the 31 dynasties of the Pharaohs’ in Egypt wouldn’t have happened. Religious persecution and murder were all things they were guilty of, but so was the beginning of the age of engineering. We would never have known of the Great Pyramids, Sphinx, or embalming. Let’s not get into the Roman Empire or Chinese Dynasties. I hate to say it but a lot of the horrors of persons willing to take over better us in the long run, at least the ones who successfully can handle the job. I don’t think the wack jobs in the Middle East will be benefiting humanity anytime soon. The great rulers and dictators put them selves first not a religion. Remember once the Pharaohs took the thrown they were the religion they became a god.

Bottom line we can’t regret things that happened in history. We are Americans and hate what happened on 9/11 but look what it taught us; solidarity, pride in country, and importance of security. We can’t take it back but we move forward and learn from it.

Really, would we have been better off never having to experience WWII as we know it?

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Whats wrong with kids today? Whats wrong with us?

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that they are someone today. ~Stacia Tauscher

About a week ago I had the privilege to watch my good friend kid. This isn’t the first time I have watched him and every time I learn a lot about myself. As he gets older and is becoming a small adult I find he is teaching me a lot about the world and how things are perceived. As we get older and acquire more and more responsibilities’ we truly for get what the world looks like preadulthood. This is where the youngins think we were never once their age. When you are like me and don’t have kids I get a special look into both sides. The kids/teens see me as a bigger, cooler version of their parents with close to the same respect. Yes, I said respect. They respect you, everyday they just do not understand what your life is. I just saw first hand that they don’t understand and partially because we forgot something… they are kids being kids.

To anyone under 18 their job is to grow up and it is a full time job. Think about it. They go to school almost 40 hours a week, just like we work. They have homework, oh god that word. EVERYONE hates HW time and who can blame all of us, once again we forget it is easy for us because we have already had that job. We mastered it; we did the work and learned the fine tunings of it. I remember being in third grade losing it with my mom about learning my seven multiplication facts (I hated 7s). I know them now (kinda). I made it, learned it and am alive to write this. I got my piece of paper saying I conquered k-12 and moved on to learn more. For those under 18 they haven’t conquered it yet and that is not their only task. They have to be well rounded. Socially and physically is part of growing up to. What about those wonderful traits we have or don’t but want them to thrive with? Oops they have to learn those too! We put them in sports to help them develop, we want them to play because that is how you learn, we want them to learn to clean and fix things with out constant reminders from us of all of this they must do. They are merely children and after all of this, ask your child what is it you do. They have no idea the lives of us adults.

I asked my friends kid what his mom does, no idea. I asked him how the house gets clean, the groceries get bought and put away (we all know that is the worst), cloths get cleaned, meals get made, dog and ‘cat’(Satan) get clean and taken care of, how he gets new cloths and shoes and reminded him his dad had to work all day long and a lot of time out of town. As we forgot he forgot, she had a lot to do in one day to make sure he had his time to grow and learn. What about pops? We he just fixes computers and talks to people “sometimes”. JUST, just like mom what they do is minor and inconsequential of what he had to accomplish in a day. How much money is a house? $124.00 and eating out daily is cheap and should be a prerequisite. Concepts that are still new to him and he has to yet learn. If a house is 124.00 a car would be about 20.00 and a meal would be less than 1.00. Oh but how far from the real world that is but then again the concept of the Civil War and the Holocaust are completely lost on him and everyone else his age. Think about it, no one has ever been ostracized because creed or color. Bulling and hate is merely to a child what you get when one or group of kids just don’t like you. Math is just the 4 basics, nothing harder than long division and they have never seen a school book costing more than 12.00. Art is just art and theology is just what they have been raised to believe or not believe. Our opinions are theirs and no one can tell them their parents are wrong but themselves.

They are just little people living with us in this world and we all know we have to teach them but I finally realized they have a lot to teach us on everything we forgot. They have their own tasks they MUST accomplish and truly they must accomplish them fully other wise they are not well rounded and we push them to understand why we want so much for them but also understand this world is new to them in every aspect.

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Filed under being wrong, Friends, Goals