Category Archives: school

The forgotten one…

I have been plagued my whole life with a horrible ailment. I know that there is people out there who have it far worse than I. I have an eidetic memory. I have the ability to remember most of things around me. When people say they have a photographic memory and wander around as happy little worker bees, I tend to think they have no clue. There are people out there with autobiographical memories. This is where you remember YOUR life, if you only remember your life that is pretty damn subjective. I remember both sides and the situations that were involved. I tend to not get all wrapped up in the emotional thought process and I am pretty sure it is because of my ability to remember both sides and remember similar situations.

I know most people would think this is great. I implore you to take a step back. Forget about all the time forgetting things got you in trouble with your peers. Instead try to think of everything or everyone you forgot. You cannot, whereas I never forgot them. I don’t forget the good when I get mad someone. I don’t forget the peons in high school or the bullies. I remember every failure along with every success. This weighs on me. Most people only remember the good or when they hit rock bottom. I remember the good, bad, ugly and everything in between.

This gets me down when someone mentions the past and they don’t remember it at all. Example one: A friend of mine, who I remember being very close to, barely remembers me at all. She did one of those facebook post “Pick a … that reminds you of me” I named a song (Salt N Peppa, none of ya business, STOP LAUGHING). She associated it with someone who was a mutual friend. This friend came around 2 years after me. Stoles the original friends HS boyfriend and is generally a HORRIBLE person. Yet the original friend, let’s call her Leia, doesn’t even know I was around first. I was pretty much forgotten. To make matters worse Leia actually though crappy friend introduced us.

There was another time not so long ago that I had posted “WTF is with all the snow days?” and my best HS friend (lets call her Macy) posted “I don’t remember having one since junior high”. This may seem small. To me it is HUGE because one time in HS we had an additional week off after break because of the cold. If you ask me to recall good time in HS (the very few) one time would have been that additional week. So many fun times! Many memories which are now pretty much lost. I am the only ones the memories live within. Another great time was New Years 1997 with Leia. Before the horrible friend was around. I remember both of these like they were yesterday and to others they never existed.

This kinda thing happens all the time. It becomes pretty depressing. It’s like being forgettable and one wants to be forgettable. I kept HS notes from close friends, and have boxes of journals from my adolescent and juvenile adventures. These characters who are so real and still so vivid to me are nothing but fiction to them.

I don’t just remember the good and the fun. I also remember the horrible and the reasons behind burning people out of my life. This also makes me sad. When people come back to me and talk about “I don’t even know why we went our separate ways” or “I cannot for the life of me remember why we fought”. I can never say neither do I.

I am riddled with memories of distrust and betrayal. This stands between be burying the hatchet with great people. I don’t have the ability to push it to the back of my mind and let it go. I am constantly waiting for the knife or the let down. This saddens me because I know people grow and get better. They improve on them selves and I can’t take them for the new person they have grown to be but only the person I knew before. I have a lot of examples of this but I cannot put them out there because 85% of the people who have let me down or hurt me have grown since then and it is not fair to hold them to something they would never do now.

I cannot leave this post without mentioning the guilt I feel everyday. I cannot forget the time in HS I called off sick from work because I just wanted to stay with my friends. I cannot for get the time I was 10 and pulled my cousins cat’s tail. I cannot forget any lie I told my mother, slacking off at work, lying to a friend, sleeping with a stranger and forgetting to call a pal back. The promises I made to my self and never followed through on. All these and many more I replay everyday. They are a heavy weight to bear and sometimes I wish I could just forget. Just move on and move past. They haunt me daily and sometimes I just want to run away from them but like any good ghost they follow me everywhere.

Don’t get me wrong. It is not always bad but not forgetting isn’t always good either. I takes me a lot of inner strength to conquer my memory and know that everyday I am trying to be a better more mindful and kind person. It has also taught me no one should ever feel forgotten. One thing is for certain…

I AM AWESOME AT TRIVIA!

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Filed under Faking It, Friends, life, Prefection, relationship, school, Uncategorized, who am i

Pet Peeves

OK I am glad I am no longer bored all day long. I am ecstatic that I found an easy part-time job that is VERY flexible. I love that it has little to no stress. The one thing that is driving me nuts is how stupid the people I work with are. We are not talking ditsy or lack of common sense, STUPID AS ROCKS (sorry rocks). We are talking they probably worship Forest Gump for his genius. NO, I AM NOT KIDDING. The funny part is I always assumed people group with their own kind. The pretty with the pretty, the tall with the tall, the sport fanatic with the sports fanatic and now I know the idiots stay with the idiots.

I am not embellishing one bit when I say idiots. The smartest person I work with, the one whom I want to punch in the face the least is a HS teacher (by trade). Two weeks ago she asked me where Washington DC is?! YOU ARE A TEACHER! Shouldn’t you know that?! As I said she is the brightest by leaps and bounds. Maybe as bright as a frog, the ones that play on the road after a storm. Even the person I replaced, who they think was the next coming of God, was an idiot.  Really, she was about as intelligent as a slug, so yes she was smart compared to everyone else, minus the teacher who doesn’t know where the nations capitol is.  Her grammar was atrocious and I am not talking about writing . I know 10 year old who speak more correctly. How do you run an office and not know how to write a letter… OH and on that note WHO CAN NOT FIGURE OUT MILITARY TIME??

I know when it comes to intelligence I pretty high on my own horse but through the years I have learned that I need to accept all forms of intelligence, then laugh at them behind their back. I have even befriended the less intelligent. I found a few years back I was turning into Dr. Sheldon Cooper where I was constantly judging everyone else. Now I just judge those with no intelligence. What that means is I pretty much just judge those who I work with.

It is so bad that even though I am new I wish I was here by myself. There are simple, common sense things that no one does. No, before you start thinking I am judgmental and am out of line, it’s not just a common sense thing… NO ONE KNEW WHERE BRAZIL WAS! These are the type of people who think this is rocket science. I know 5 year olds who could do my job and most of them could out perform everyone else here. No, seriously a trained monkey could do this. Not only is being stupid a pet peeve of mine so is when you think you’re so worse off than everyone else.

 

OK I am now done venting…. What are your pet peeves?

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Filed under Crap, Prefection, school, Work

>Habitual goal setting

>I have come to the conclusion that I set to many goals for my self and have to start choosing which are important and which can just become hobbies that do not impede my life.

I have just realized that at the ripe old age of 26 I have way more goals than I have time to achieve them, or at least achieving them in my set time frame. One thing I really want to do is write and in order to write well one must write often and though I have been aware of this for years I have yet to follow through on it. Unfortunately writing is one of those aspiration I am not willing to let die which mean it has to become a habit. One of the goals I have to lose is achieving all I can at work. Work is just a job. By no means do I intend to have it become a career and I think I must start repeating that frequently to my self.

I think I am the only person who has this many goal at this young/ old of an age. I am sure most 60 year olds have their days planned to a T and I know that any child you ask will rattle off at least 6 professions they dream of most of them requiring 6+ years of school. How many people in their late 20’s have three different career goals requiring three degrees? This is not including the two they already have. I know it is the American dream to have the world and accomplish all you wildest desires but really how much is too much?

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Filed under career, Goals, habits, school