Tag Archives: Assholes

I hate… tomatoes

Since today is Monday I think it is only fair that I review 10 things I generally hate. Some will be mildly offensive (which is a huge jump for me) and others will be funny but yet a window into my soul…

1. The sound/feeling of cotton cutting. If you think this is nuts then you have no clue what I am talking about. It hurts my teeth. I get the same sensation when yarn is being tied. Since I am not a seamstress I don’t have that happen much, nor am I crafty. I can’t explain it other than I avoid it like I avoid AIDS.

2. Hangovers!! I know everyone hates them but I actually hate them not because of the pain and the constant banging. I don’t hate them because I lose a day to nothingness, and usually this is a day I wanted to be productive. I don’t hate them because it make me fight with my best friend, beer. I hate them because it shows my age. I remember not so long ago when I use to laugh at those who had this foreign sickness. Now, I am that person! It is like with every month I age my hangovers last an extra hour. Before you know it a few drinks with the girls will end up being three days of sickness!

3. Entitlement. I think everyone should earn their own way. If you can’t because of a handicap then fine, your community can help you but if you are not working because you can’t find your dream hours/pay/JOB then GROW THE FUCK UP! It is called being a productive member of society. My opinion is if you want money from the government or as I like to call it “my hard earned money”  then you should be required to take a job working for the man themselves. There are plenty of employment opportunities in the military. What about working for the community food bank, ASPCA or cleaning the parks?? How about working cleaning the local jail, police cars, fire trucks or park bathrooms??? I once ran my own department and I can’t tell you how many people wouldn’t even come in for an interview because they were making more on unemployment… BLAH.

4. Chapstick/ grease stains. I mean seriously who knows how to get that crap out?? I know how to do it if I happen to notice it before I wash and dry it! It just appears out of nowhere! You know we have pretty awesome science but we can’t make a chapstick tube water proof or heat proof!! I know I am not alone on this crap. Lets not even start on how to keep your shirt sleeves clean while cooking….  unless you want to cook like my mom, dry and dull

5. Cell phones. I mean seriously 10 years ago I was functioning fine without a calendar, text messages, facebook and candy crush in my pocket and now I can’t even poop alone! Its not like I am a cell phone addict either I am pretty normal with mine. I am not always on it, I maybe get 1 call a day and 50 texts. I rarely use it as a phone but now for audible books and reading I use it 29/7. I guess that would be expected for someone who started using a purse so I could always have a book on me. Sometimes it scares me how we are all attached to technology. I keep saying I am going to turn off for one day a weekend and I think as I write this and I think of how my phone is nagging me to check it for a text message I didn’t get I really do need to stop this one sided relationship.

6. 24 hour news. As anyone (not like anyone really reads this, I appreciate the one person who keeps reading it) who knows me or has read back I am pretty conservative. All because of fiscal reasons. I don’t give a rats ass who anyone weds and I am extremely pro conservation I just have an issue with anyone telling me the best way to live my life of I have to support people who are unwilling to work. If you told me all my money was going to animal shelters I was be all like “Here take 50% of my pay”. Also, you should probably know I am not a HUGE fan of people. I love my furry friends. Anyways! I think one of the downfalls of American moral is 24 hour news. Let not mention how we have NO non biased news source. I want to scream at my mother because she spends all day watching the news and she is so segregated to the real world and what is going on.  She legitimately thinks this world is ending soon! I just think if you watch too much you start to lose the ability to form your own opinions. She use to read the paper, I wish her and this country would get back to that. All this technology and yet we still let other people think for us. Shame!

7.  Tomatoes! Why is that fruit on EVERYTHING!! Man you can’t even get a salad anymore without them!! They are so gross in their rare form. YUCK… They are slimy and they make you smell if you touch them. The cherry one burrow to the bottom of your salad so you can’t find it till you stabbed it and now you have tomato gew all over your salad. OH and you better read the whole description of your sandwich to know for certain that the slimy prick wont be on it… STOP IT WITH THE TOMATOES

8. Fucking drivers… Ok where I live it is winter and I am convinced that no one lived her last year or the previous 15000 years to know that snow is slick and moist. No one here can drive. If the road is clear then you can drive the speed limit and contrary to belief if it is covered and icy you can NOT drive 20 over. Nope, even if you have a monster truck with 4 wheel drve. What about if it is overcast and dark midday… naw you don’t need your headlights on… It’s cool I really wanted to sideswipe your ass! I mean seriously they let us drive at 16 years old in the country you would think that means we SHOULD have the ability to dive correctly. I am not saying I am a great driver, I am female. At least I am not an idiot!

9. 2 day weekends. It is like a cruel trick. Like here have some time off… No, I take that back come back to work. People hate Mondays because they come too quickly. I really think we all need all Wednesdays off. No more work on hump day!

10. Katy Perry. I am sure she is a swell human being but I really can’t stand her music. No matter what song that woman comes out with I cannot get the catchy non riffs out of my head! I have lost many of days to humming her crappy subpar music. I know this one is  not very kind but seriously I just wish she would have been a one hit wonder hell at this point I just want her to take a few months off. Can she just not put a song out for 6 months?? Maybe even put one out that isn’t on constantly.

Happy Monday all… time for Tuesday

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Filed under fun, Hangovers, Judging, life, Politics, Uncategorized, who am i

CONTROL YOU FRICKEN DOG!

I use to do ‘What grinds my gears Wednesday’ well I am bringing it back.

Over the summer I have been watching and helping with a family’s Golden Retriever named Largo. He is an awesome dog but it has brought to my attention what ass holes some pet owners are. Largo is not neutered but he is not my dog so I have no say in it. Since he has a raised testosterone level and testicles most dogs have heightened aggression towards him. Today in the park was doggy hell for poor Largo. There was a Boxer also in tact, the owner was no dummy and knew to keep control of his 4 legged child. Next on the path we encountered some sort of pointer or setter who was not as controlled. The owner had no control of this dog. He was jumping and pulling, making a complete ruckus. This tool bag had the nerve to look at me like I was doing something. NO, you douche your dog is a tool just like you!  Largo was just sitting there waiting for the asshole dog to pass, as he was trained to do. Largo was focused on me and when I would tell him to go not at the barking mess of a dog unable to be controlled by his owner. Best part this guy was probably close to 220lbs and the dog was maybe 50, tops! I now know why large men have wussy dogs; they can’t muster up the strength to walk a normal sized dog?! This brings me to my first issue. Why can the owners of Shepherds, Dobermans, Rottweiler, Akitas, Pitbulls ect. grasp the concept of control your damn dog but the owners of ever other breed are useless? I see more Jackass small dog owners than anything. Yes, Largo is a doppy Golden BUT if your little shit of a dog attacks his face he will devour it. At least my Jack looks scary so when I pull him off to the side all retarded dog owners get the hint. I loathe people who don’t control their dogs. This is how dogs end up with aggression issues. You are the owner; you control your dog NOT the other way around!

The other issue was along the same line but an ever bigger ass hat. After we pass the lard ass and the dog of unknowing breed I come across an old man and his Shar-peis. First, this man was old enough to have played Canasta at the last super. Why in God’s name is a man, closer to death then his next meal, trying to control two sixty pound dogs? At this point in your life old man your joint are figments of your imagination. BEST PART (besides he had more wrinkles than his dogs)

he yells as we are coming up on him, watch out they bite. SERIOUSLY! Any moment I am going to have 120bs of dog running at me and the only thing stopping them is Judas’ slightly younger brother? He was holding on to a tree for support! There is a point in your life where you have to start looking at the tasks you want to accomplish and realize that it would be best to alter your plans. This guy should be walking his dogs around his block or neighborhood, not in a park commonly associated with walking dogs. Also, maybe he should think about walking one dog at a time. I think it should be mandatory to take an IQ test before having a child or a pet.. even hamsters.

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Filed under Crap, Dogs, fun, WGMG